sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
my shit smells like andre
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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