shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
