New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
