The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
