Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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