areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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