Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Randomize
