ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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