Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
