I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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