I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
