I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
