I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
