this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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