I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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