ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
