i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
