So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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