I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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