That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
