woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
