look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
