Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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