just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
