it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
