i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Randomize
