hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
