it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
