What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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