She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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