My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
