We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
