Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
