I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
