I'm eating all of the evidence.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
