I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
