There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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