the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
