so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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