During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
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This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize