I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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