I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just found a bag of teeth...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
