if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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