There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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