no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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