we have officially lost it.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
