Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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