i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
