There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
