i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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