The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It's blow job season.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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