This is not my ceiling
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
