you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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