Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
