her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Randomize
