I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
