I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
