Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
