??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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