I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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