Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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