Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
