You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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