Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
