she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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