Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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