We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
