How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
