I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
