In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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