SEEEEXXX PLEASE
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
