Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
