I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
