I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
